If you have a moment to spare...

A few words, actually.

I doubt I could sum myself up in one word.

Well, I want to try.

How about verisimilitude?

Right, nevermind then.

*clears throat*

I am a brilliant, handsome, intelligent individual. I always know exactly what to say, how to say it, and when to speak up. I am the epitome of style, grace, and panache. I know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, I know when to walk away, and I certainly know when to run. Actually, that song isn't very applicable, since I don't gamble. In anything. I'm always completely sure of myself, and right one hundred percent of the time.

I'm a dork. I have no clue how to act in any social setting, I'm constantly nervous, I've a bit of a grating personality, and I'm certainly an acquired taste. Just ask either one of my friends. I'm akward, unkempt, annoying, and in need of a good haircut.

Howdy.

The above are two separate descriptions of me. If I were you, I wouldn't trust either of them. You should take what I say (and what everyone else says, but we'll get to that later) with a grain of salt, and that, frankly, is granting more than I should get offhand. I'm actually a very trustworthy person, but that's beside the point. I'm too lazy to draw conclusions for you, so I'm afraid you'll just have to do it yourself, over time, from what you read here.

Since I so rudely requested you form your own opinion about me, I suppose I should give you some information about myself so that you can.

Some call me intelligent. I happen to think that if you think you're smart, you're not. Since I don't think I'm smart, does that mean I do, in fact, think I'm smart?

It's a vicious cycle.

I am a teenage male from West Texas, so I have no idea why I tend to use British idioms from time to time. I have thoughts on Life, the Universe, and Everything, but I'll get into that in another post. I should vary my sentence structure, but I'll wait until later.

Sorry.

I tend to type the way I speak, and frankly, I don't seem to have much to say right now. That, in itself, is unusual, as anyone who knows me can attest. It's a rare day when I don't feel up to the task of a discussion on the subtleties of a Christopher Walken impression, or precisely how and why the universe was formed and by whom. When not reciting half of a Monty Python sketch or being the straight man to a friend from school in an Abbott and Costello-esque routine, I can usually be found examining school politics or correcting a teacher on the use of a phrase.

I don't know if that comes across as cheeky, but I'm sorry, "I could care less" doesn't make any sense. If you could care less, then obviously you care some. It's supposed to be, "I couldn't care less." It is NOT a double negative, Mrs. **bleep**.

[Name censored for the saftey and well-being of this author.]

Heh. I seem to have found a topic I could speak on. For quite a while.

On into the night, even.

Some say I have a problem with authority, but all the people who say that are authority figures, so you can't trust them.

[If you didn't get that last joke you might have a few problems with this blog. I'm going to do a lot of flippant "Deep Thoughts" type of material. "The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw." That sort of stuff.]

Since I don't want to alienate anyone, especially now when there's no one to alienate, I'm going to cut this off short. Just one more thing:

My name is Jeff, although anywhere I go on the Internet I'm jdogmoney. That's right, jdogmoney. No caps.

Perhaps a word of explanation is in order...Well, again, it's really a few words.

In science class, in seventh grade, I had finished my work early. A shocker, I know. I got to doodling on that paper book cover they made me put on the textbook. You know, because nothing protects like a thin sheet of paper. Somehow, I have no idea why, I had written out my initials, JS, and made some random markings to convert it to J-$. Not one to leave anything half way done, I added with a flourish "Dawg." Remember, this was seventh grade. I was young and foolish. Well, young anyway, since I realized just how original and stylish this was, which is to say, not very. I then tweaked it into the stylish jdogmoney and forgot about it for eight months. When I needed a name for an e-mail account, it sprang to mind, and the rest, as they say, is bunk.

With all due respect,
Jeff

Postscript: Yes, I realize I didn't actually get around to introducing myself. Sue me.